Saturday, August 05, 2006

7:37 PM

i hate to have meals at home.
we always quarrel at everymeal.
no fail.
thats why i always eat at superfast speed, and then go off.
everytime i look at the meals, i suddenly dont feel hungry.


and my dad wants to gorge out my eyes cause i stared at him after he scolded me for putting soy sauce into my soup.
thats so weird.
its my soup.
and i also never scold you when you put salt in your coke.


go ahead. gorge out my eyes.


i dont think i was supposed to be born.
they should have aborted me when i was a baby.
or maybe i should have died when my mum was giving birth.
and my mum and dad were'nt supposed to get married.
so i shouldnt have been born.
cause theres this horoscope book.
i know it sound silly but it makes sense.
and the person you are destined to be with , their birthday will appear on your birsthday's page.
my dad's birthday wasnt in my mum's page,
and my mum's birthday wasnt in my dad's page.


and i check my aunt's and my uncle's birthday.
both appeared in both pages.
and they've got such a happy family with super smart kid.
seriously happy.


and then i think.
maybe its true after all.
quite reasonable.



and im super stuborn.
no means no.
DEAL WITH IT.


Hey Dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according To plan?
Do you think I’m wasting My time
doing things I Wanna do?
But it hurts when you Disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good Enough for you
I can’t pretend that I’m alright
And you can’t change me

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be
My hero?
All the days You spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don’t Care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good Enough for you
I can’t stand another fight
And nothing’ alright


‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect


Nothing’s gonna change
The things that you said
Nothing’s gonna make this Right again
Please don’t turn your back
I can’t believe it’s hard
Just to talk to you
But you don’t understand


‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect


‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect
Now it’s just too late
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry I can’t be Perfect

-


Fireman TOM & the Cranola Lady

5:44 PM

so i was supposed to go out in the morning.
and i did.
but mum said she wanted to tag along.
hrmph.
she wanted to get tickets for us cause she can get one dollar off and she can use that one dollar to get some one dollar deal.
but she wanted them to pay her back the money.
so i said NO.
its not nice.


and i saw gladys yang at the mrt station.
and id didnt know we took the same train.


okay. so she took her own sweet time.
then met mindy and rowena at ps theatre.
got the tickets, then went to spotlight.
met charmaine, audrey, li hui, lavinia, kiumberly, duno who and duno who else there.


then mum came and bought sushi/.
so extra.
although i said dont want.
but she bought anyway.
and she screamed so loud when i took that pack of feathers.
whathehell.
and she scolded me.
in front of mindy and rowena.
nvm lah.
not so embarassing cause i've known them for so long.


and then she insisted that we ate the sushi immediately.
i just suggested eating in the cinema and guess what i got.
scolding again.


so i was pretty pissed.
then we went into the cinema.
then saw the whole lot of the 2d people.
and i duno which group(ours, or the 2d group) was making so much noise.
this wonman said"girls, can you please be quite during the movie, thankyou."
and i know jian huan odelia sharon or germain was like "xuemin!"
then someone said "is that melissa lim?"
then i was like"no. its melissa liu."

so i finally caught pirates of the caribbean.
and i wanna watch pirates of the caribbean at world's edge.
its the 3rd film, and its still filming.
so after i finish watching the movie my mum called me to call her then we go home.
what the hell againnnnnnnnn.
so i called.
then we went to the toilet.
met the whole 2d gang there again, plus the charmaine gang, plus amanda, plus charlene and cara.
so we took a photo in the toilet.

then i went to breadtalk to look for my mum.
then she was like "do you know why i scold you"
"no."
"because..... blahblahblah"
the main point is, i didnt wanna let her get the tickets, plus i took he feathers.
"not my fault. i didnt do anything"

so she let me go and find mindy and rowena.
and she went home first.
so rowena and mindy wanted to go shopping.
rowena wanted more clothes.
so we looked at clothes.
erm i guess mindy wanted clothes too.
so i found quite alot of clothes that suited rowena, but she didnt like it.
its ok.
mindy too.
but i dont think mindy was shopping for clothes.
i duno.
but i would like to go shopping and actually buy clothes and stuff with my friends.


then we saw yilin and elisabeth.
then we continue looking at clothes.
then we bought sushi, collected my mum's stuff, then took the train home.


at the train station.
the 1st train was too crowded.
took the 2nd train.
the train stopped and wouldnt move at duno which stop.
and rowena's mum called.
and it really wasnt rowena's fault.

and mindy said she was scared of my mum, and rowena's mum, and sharmaine tan's mum, and rachel mel's mum.


and i found out that rowena like move along too.
and our mum's are quite alike.

so i reached home, had sushi for dinner again, and then watched smallville and charmed.
and then bathed.
and then watched ghost whisperer, and went to sleep.
cause my sis was doing her PROJECT.
and i couldnt use the com.

TODAY

woke up, found some bandage and plaster which melanie needed for duno what.
and then met melanie at the interchange, and did my journal along the way.
then went to school together.

then sat then changed.
then went down.
then had a talk or something.
then shot.
then rested.

then talk again.
and coach asked us what we wanted to do.
i was like "basketball"
"melanie's leg"
"netball"
"melanie's leg"
"volleyball"
"melanie's lag"
"captian's ball? she could be the pole"
then shi hua was like "concentration. macoroni, murderer!!!!"
"i dont think so.and theres not much time left."

you wanna know why theres not much time left?
cause you keep yaking away for duno what reason.
yakyakyakyakyakyakyak.
dont you know that you talk alot?
stpo yakking, and we'll find time.
we can find some time if you WANT to.
and theres nothing wrong with playing it.
and then again.
mr lim wouldnt allow.
so this is an impossible thing.


and then she said my rifle was dirty.
and i had to oil it again.yup.
and so i oiled.
then another talk.
most of her talks are based on my faults.
she'll just use my faults and say to the rest of the team.
hello.
you wanna say it, say it right into my face.
dont need to go one big round.
then cause of her dumb talk,
i kinda forgot to keep my rifle.
shitshitshit.


and then me and odelia went up.
okay.
so my team mates helped me keep my rifle.
thank you!
and lucky mr lim didnt find out.
and then i had to see coach.
who said that i had to do one more extra hour of training.
okay. fair enough.
cause it was my fault. i admit that. unlike some people.
and im not eager to go or something.
i just dont like waiting around.


and she said i wasnt that united with the team.
and she asked me what's wrong.
if you're expecting me to say yes something's wrong and cry and pour my heart out, and tell you everything that's happened.
im sorry.
im not like the others.
i dont do such things.
if i want to tell you, which is most 100% unlikely, i would.
AND IM NOT TRYING TO BE DIFFERENT AND ATTRACT ATTENTION AND BE SPECIAL.
if you wanna say im a loner, just say it.
im pretty much one anyway.
and its like.
they dont want to wait for me and all that stuff.
i duno.
and i've given up.
i've given up on snail, leech, the team, and rice pudding.
i've hated rice pudding ever since she came.
i hate rice pudding.


and after"scolding" me
she said "we're having lunch later, and would like you to join us."
sorry. im not going.
you can take that time, to pry and poke stuff out of the others about me.
whatever the case, im not saying anything to you.
and i know they told you about me swimming issue.
i dont really blame them.
they've got leaky mouths.
and they themsleves know it.
but most of them are nice.


and we've not been as united as we were last year.


and i know you're trying to "help"
but i dont want to be helped.
and no one can help me except myself.
and theres the problem if i want to be helped or not.
i dont want to be helped.

so i went home.
when she scolded me, i didnt feel sad or anything.
and i think she expected me to cry like the others or something.
but i didnt.
i felt nothing.
i felt so numb.
i just stood there.


and then again.
you people dont think why im like this.
let me tell you this: you made me the way i am.
so if im treating you like this or like that of whatever treatment i give you, its your fault.



its no use just saying it leech.
you just did it again.
and its so unnatural.
and i feel odd now.
thanks to your "middleman"
things are not going to turn our fine.
im like this.
i hate people to interfere.
thanks alotalotalot to your middle man, things wont go well again.

and snail has quite a leeky mouth and has no right to say that i have one.
i thought she knew what kind of person i was.


and rice pudding, i can control my mood.
i know i can.
its just that i dont want to do it.
esp now that you've told me to.


and rice pudding always picks on me.
the same thing happened to another person once, and she didnt scold her.
but she picked on me and scolded me.
oh how i hate rice pudding.

my life would be seriously happier without slug, leech, rice pudding, snail, and THEM.
it would make a big difference.


and i didnt know celesther was so "tragic"

stop acting like you know me cause you dont.
and its too late to make it up.
all i can say is that
too bad, you didnt realise earlier, and you didnt even realise
you only realised when someone told you.
so too bad.
and things wont go back to the way they used to be.
so you can stop finding stuff to talk to me about.
its so unnatural.
i dont like that feeling.
i'd rather NOT talk at all.


you told mine, and i told yours
cause you kept promting me to.
we're quits.


I've become so numb
i cant feel you there
become so tired so much more aware
i'm becoming this is all i want to do
is be more like me and less like you

i want an aircon in my cupboard.
so that i can live inside it.




Fireman TOM & the Cranola Lady