Wednesday, August 09, 2006

7:49 PM

woke up, then red finish toto chan.
then had tuition.
my tuition teacher said that maths isnt difficult.
i majke it difficult for myself.
then waited for lunch.
then did my mask.


it looks like a p3 kid did it.
it looks so childish.
im giving up on being a fashion designer.
im not creative and artistic enough.
the flower i sewed, my sis said it looked like a plaster.


my mask looks terrible.
it just dosent look right.


i was supposed to go to parsaris today.
for my cousin's birthday chalet.
i refused to go.
i'd feel odd.
and i bet jerevien would be there with her friends.
and i'd feel odd.
and then my parents would be scolding me for not joining in.
and i'll sulk.
and get more scoldings.
but i know, that when i sulk and my face turns black.
none of my aunts and uncles know what to do with me.
from both sides of the family.


i think the ndp parade is boring.
and i got scolede over dinner again.
cause i asked "do they get paid for flying the flag?"(the pilots)
then my dad was like "WHAT PAID? THEY FLY FOR THE COUNTRY LEH YOU THINK WHAT!! BLHBLAHBLAHABLAHAB."
so i sulked and glared and rolled my eyes.
i dont like eating meals with my family.
my mum and dad slurps the soup noisily.
and my sis opens her big fat mouth and chews her food.
i hate those sounds.
plus she eats with her hands with her chipped black nail polish.
i dont know.
i dont like the clothes she buys for her self and the makeup and nail polish she gets for her slef.
they seem like. cheap and no good abnd idsgusing.
not that im all for brands.
but i duno.
they look awful and im irritated by it.
and hse got a living dead doll.
right. i'll just pray to god everynight and hope it dosent come alive and come after me with a knife.


ate dinner super fast so i wouldnt have to see them like a few minutes more.
i usually eat my dinner faster than the rest of my faimly members by like 1/2 hour.
then bathed.
i played with the soap bubbles.
and played with the foam on my shampoo.


i think shi hua's fashion sense is quite ah lian.
and very odd.
like those clothes you get from this fashion.
some of them are bright pink ad polka dotted.
and it looks weird.
like you came from the china pasar malam.


you ass.
you're such a faker.
i hate you more than ever now.
i was ready to be friends with you again.
but you ruined it all.
go away and leave me alone.
dont talkto me if all you're gonna tell me are lies.
i dont care if you cry so pathetically and make me the evil person.
i hope you cry till your eyeballs srivel up and fall out of their sockets.
you lied AGAIN.
this is your last chance. gone.
well too bad.
im not even going to be angry with you.
i wont say i like you.
i wont say i hate you.
i wont say i dislike you.
im just a little irritatd.
i cant be bothered with you leech.
and i should have known that leeches cant stop sucking blood.
just like you cant stop faking everything.

I KEEP STUFFING MYSELF WITH FOOD.
im so frustrated. and nothing goes right in my life.
i think some things do.
but i dont notice them.
im not the kinda person that notices the positive side.
i plunge right into the negative side.


i duno. i bottle stuff inside me.
since i get scoldings if i blow up.
and i wont leak things out.


all the miseries should scram out of my life.


Fireman TOM & the Cranola Lady