Monday, September 25, 2006

6:24 PM

okay. i havent posted in a long time cause this dumb blog sucks.

i feel so alone.
and i feel so unwanted.
and theres like nobody.
so im here.
you can call me emotional or whatever other shitty names you have.
i wont bother.

you dont know how you all make me feel man.
you all make me sad and heavy.
and tired of everything.
i sleep all day trying to avoid this feeling.

well you can just tell me instead of hiding it.
i mean i'd prefer it.
but it dosent matter which way i prefer.
cause i dont matter
i wont make a difference anyway cause i already feel this way.

im not sure if its cause of me
or it everybody
to me, it seems like everybody.
but i think in actual fact, its me.

you can tell me if im irritating or horrid or mean or whatever.
i wont matter cause i already know.
its like.
you lift me up, and then you send me crashing down, worse than before.

sorry if i was offensive.
i just dont think theres anyone safe there.
i feel so insecure and i take a looooooooooong time to trust someone.

and my dman sis sucks.
i cant stand her.
she irritates the hell outta me.

i think theres something wrong with me.
i feel sick.
i feel like puking all day.
and when crossing the road, i wished the car would bang me down.
but my legs just crossed the street safely.
im not that stupid.
but thoughts of that are coming more often.
i wont kill myself cause its not the right thing to do.
not because or anyother reason.
like leaving everybody behind and making them all sad.
i mean.hello!
you all made me feel sad.
and you wont be that sad when im gone.
sjc kills.
i wanna transfer school.
but theres no point.

its killing me.
everything is
everybody is.
even though thelittle things they do but they dont realise it.
nobody does.
but i do.
its so pointless.
everything is so pointless.

man, i really cant take this anymore.
esp not this period of time.
it dosent make me feel like studying.

and now i know.
nothing lasts forever.
i wont be a fool to believe that time and again.

and i dropped my phone agiain.
and cara gave me this sweet.
well it tasted disgusting.
it makes me feel like puking even more.

maybe i feel like puking cause i feel disgusted with myself?
or maybe i feel like puking away all the sadness that settles in my stomach and drags me down.
im hungry
but yet i feel like puking.
if i dont eat, i get gastric.
when i eat, i feel like puking.
although you may see that i eat alot.
but well, you dont know how i feel. do you.
i feel like drowning in my own tears man.
well i cant.
cause i cant cry.
i duno why.
no matter how sad i am, i just cant cry.


exams suck.
this society sucks.

i feel weird.


okay im damn tired although i woke up from my 1 hour nap 2 hours ago.
i guess im going back to sleep again.


Fireman TOM & the Cranola Lady