Saturday, November 25, 2006

10:54 PM



Fireman TOM & the Cranola Lady

9:56 PM

im trying, cant you see?
im trying so hard.
but we end up fighting all the same.
it all happened last time.
with other people.i dont know why i was so naive.
i dont know why i keep thinking and hoping its not like that.
i feel so naive.
and i see that i dont mean much anymore.
and everything is too unimportant when im involved.
thats the way i feel.
and i know you're gonna say
i cant help it if you feel that way.

im such a loser.
a fat horrid loser.
everybody hates me.
i used to sing the song

nobody likes me
everybody hates me
i guess im gonna eat some worms.
fat worms skinny worms
long worms thin worms
itsy bitsy teeny weena worms.

it used to kinda cheer me up.
cause its so ridduculous.
my spelling has always been haywire.
cause i always spell the way its pronounced.
so yup.

it dosent cheer me up anymore.
maybe sleep and some milk will.

okay.
lessons i've learnt recently.
1) dont pour your troubles to the person you think likes you/is your rock.
cause they might not be, and then tell everyone what you've told them, and you'll be a laughing stock.
2) watch for signals that they dont like you and are tired of hearing you speak.
3)dont keep asking them to do activites they say no to.
4) dont ever make yourself the victim
5) dont cry and go to multiple people whom you dont know hate your guts.
6) dont go smsing people the stuff you dont want others to hear. esp lies.
they'll use it as evidence.

yup, though thats not my first hand expeirience.
my conclusion from hearing stuff that i promised not to say to anyone.
and i dont think everyone will keep their promise.
i find that person really poor thing.
well, maybe no, cause it seems that she is irritating?

im gonna grow so fat.
when wating to buy lunch today.
i was thinking :
no oily food.
not so much carbs.

and i ended up buying horfun.
so much.
so bloodymuch.
so i ate like for about an hour.
eating makes me less sad.
and then i felt really fat.

and then my parents brought me dinner at like 9+
and im thinking:
no eating after 8.
man im gonna really be realy fat.

then mum asked me to try on a v neck shirt.
she's pretending that she just bought it.
yup, a long time ago.

it made me look fatter.
i cant wear squarish clothes.
makes me look short and fat.
i need ta wear long tops.

i cant seem to lose weight the way im eating.
and i seem to lose my energy while doing sports/ excercising when i've barely done anything.

and i lost alot of me.
i duno how, i duno why.
but i know im losing myself like starting from this year.
and i think.
i bet, i know why.
dont bother asking. cause by the time you ask, i'd have forgotten.

i've lost alot of my determination.
people who know me well should realise.
i lost like about 40 percent.
i've lost my energy.
i go sleep sleep sleep all the time.
i cant wake up, and 10 minutes after walking around the house i go back to sleep again.

i've been thinking of stuff those sleepless nights.
and yes, my nights have been sleepless ever since that time.
i've been thinking of my confirmation name.

i've been thinking about guys names.
milton?
scott?
russel?(sounds like a dog's name.)

cortelle
cordelle
i like names ending with elle
candas
millen?

okay. then i thought of E.
and no, i didnt think alphabetically.
cause i was thinking.
Melissa E(somename) Lim
MEL.
getit?
so i was thinking.

Eshire, from Cheshire
Enona
Endas
Entelle?

i duno. but maybe eshire enona and endas.
comments?
okay. i';ve thought of most of the names myself.
yeah and i betsome of you will be thinking: yeah, i can tell, its so melissa-y, so weird.
yup, so dont go stealing them.
i dont wan it to be like liz and beatrice
fighting over the serenity name.
but now liz has settled for alexus.
celesther's is alexis.

okay. i am gonna change myself.
i shall not eat after 8.
and i shall eat my meals slowly.
i shall not eat when im not hungry.
i shall drink lots of water.
at least it can be urinated.
dont tell me that my food cant be shitted.
water has less/no fats.
and erm.
i dont wanna jump fope.
im afraid that my kneww/ other parts of my boy will hurt.
i'll try staircases.
dancing helps?
okay. and im gonna get my determination back.

watch me.

and i forgot to mention.
its a saturday, and im at home again.
i guess going out makes me feel self concious now.
i told me mum the somebody stepped on my belt and ripped it off.
or did i say i stepped on my own belt and ripped it off.
dont laugh. that happened before okay.
okay. so i forgot which one i said.
but she didnt look like she bought my story.
and she didnt say yes to measking my neighbour to sew my belt back.
im lowering it.

i dont like the way my stomach and my boobs make my uniform go short in front and long at the back.

and i remember watching olden batman that day.
robin is so dumb.
always get caught by the bad guys.
and batman is even dumber you know why?
cause he always fall for their traps.
thats why they make the perfect team.
and the most adaptable part of batman is.
they can do without robin.
and the batman i watched wasnt really fit.
he looked like german saussages in a stretch suit.

i duno why i keep using what the shit, german saussages, shit ass and other words these days.
anyway, dont steal/copy.
i know im very infectious.
i've heard people saying stuff i dont remember them saying until after i spoke to them.
yes, im in the dont-copy-me-you-copycat kind of mood.

okay.i think im gonna drink daisy milk cause its 99% fat free.
and has loads of calcium.
maybe thats why it tastes weird.
but my dear sis finished it up.
as usual.
finish eating everything.
thats why she's fatter than me.
maybe thats a good thing.

"can you stop using my pimple cream?!"
"i didnt."
"oh yeah right. it just evaporated?! like starting FROM YOUR FACE?!"

yes, as you can see, i ran out of matching colours.


Fireman TOM & the Cranola Lady